I'm caught off guard sometimes at the circumstances or people the Lord will use to teach or show me something He needs me to know. For instance, this past weekend He used a bunch of third graders, of all things. I often feel like God speaks to me through interactions I have with my own kids, so I guess it's no surprise that He'd use other children to do the same. This past weekend we had the first-time experience of hosting a sleepover for my nine-year-old daughter, Ivey. For her birthday, she thought it would be fun to have a bunch of friends over, with the addition of taking them all for a pedicure and to dinner at Ivey's favorite restaurant. It seemed completely doable for me--I mean, how hard could it be to deal with ten third graders? I already had half that number of children living with me all the time, so it didn't seem too daunting to have several more in our home for the night.
I must say, I had a ball watching those girls interact with each other. It was really so different from how Ivey interacts with her siblings, and I found it to be very interesting. There was so much laughter, singing, sharing, talking (LOTS of talking...), and helping one another, and it warmed my heart to see and hear such purity in theirs. At one point, one of the little girls came to me in tears because she couldn't manage to cheer up one of the other girls. It was precious.
There were other times, as I should have expected, when there was so much needless drama between them. At various times throughout the night there were hurt feelings, some anger, jealousy, and bad attitudes. It amazed me to see how quickly the atmosphere would shift from positive to negative, to positive again-sometimes in a matter of seconds! I never knew from one minute to the next who would be upset, and I must admit, towards the end of the evening it was beginning to wear on me. At one point it seemed like literally all of them were mad or up in the air about something, so I finally took matters into my own hands and called a meeting. I very firmly but gently looked at each one of them and told them that there was no reason for all of the conflict--that we all loved each other and loved Ivey, and that we needed to get along. I asked them if they agreed with me, and they said they did, and, much to my surprise, that was all it took. I couldn't believe it! That one mini-speech was all they needed, and after that there was no more conflict! It seemed so easy--too easy, in fact. For the remainder of the evening and on into the next morning, the girls were all the best of friends again. Everybody played with everybody, and I feel sure they all had a really good time.
So what did the Lord show me, then? Well, lots of things, really, but one thing in particular. I couldn't help but reflect upon how easy it was for those girls to get over being mad. It took so little for them to go from being so seemingly hurt, to being so fine and completely over it in no time. There was no bitterness, no grudge-holding, or anything like that. Just, "I'm sorry's" and "It's okay's." I wished in my heart that it could be that easy with adults, but it rarely is. There's so much anger and resentment among grownups, it seems...so much jealousy and envy. As adults I think there's a natural, even unintentional tendency to interject so many of our own issues (including those we're not even aware of) and past baggage into every negative situation, that they're often made way more difficult and harder to resolve. Children have such little life experience accompanied by their obvious immaturity, so of course their squabbles are of much lesser consequence. Even so, I couldn't and can't help but wish that everybody, young and old, could take such an approach to conflict resolution: I'm sorry. It's okay. I love you. The end.
I'll be very transparent with you here--this is an issue that hits very close to home for me. I very firmly believe that the Lord has been trying to show me for years how I need to be and think when in a conflict. I have literally fought God's Word on the matter ever since I got married, but I must say, it's been a losing battle. Conventional wisdom and all of Oprah's advice has led me completely astray, not surprisingly. I'm not saying that I'm now a master of conflict resolution...in fact, somedays it seems that I haven't learned one thing, especially when I give way to my flesh and stop walking in the Spirit. But here's what I know beyond a shadow of a doubt: whenever I manage to get myself out of the way, the road to resolution becomes so much shorter. Please don't misunderstand me here...I'm not implying that we shouldn't have feelings, shouldn't tell (some) people how we feel, or live in some kind of perpetual denial. I'm saying that when I have literally gotten over my own self and my own pride, times of conflict have become much less tumultuous. Easier said than done? You bet.
I recently read where a Christian author wrote, "God is faithful to plead our case and take up our cause, but only when we decide to cease representing ourselves in the matter..." That very statement goes directly against nearly everything we hear or read in the media nowadays. There's so much emphasis on "self" in these New Age times, and certainly in the matter of resolving conflict, it's absolutely essential, cleansing, and healing to make our cases known and heard, right? I will tell you, though, the times I have been the most frustrated and enmeshed in conflict with others are the times that I was the most determined to prove my case and take up my own cause. I've learned and am still learning that what I really need to do is take whatever it is I'm feeling to the Lord first. He always gives me direction from there. It may or may not be in anyone's best interest to say anything further about how upset I am, which is why it's always best to let God lead me on that. I have learned to trust Him to supply whatever resources I may need, people included, to help me deal with a particular situation or conflict. For one thing, some people just aren't always equipped to handle our feelings, especially the negative ones. Thankfully, we can't ever trip God up with those, no matter what they are! We can pour our hearts out to Him, just like David did in the Psalms. We can tell Him absolutely anything and empty ourselves of whatever negative feelings we may be having, so that He then can fill us up with Himself. Let's face it, if we're filled up with bitterness or jealousy, how can there be any room for His Spirit? He desires such intimacy with us as His children, so of course we have feelings. He gave them to us. I just think He's the main One with Whom we need to share a lot of them. He can totally handle it, and gladly does so.
Then, there's pride. I don't know if there's much more I need to say on that subject. Let me be clear, though...I hate pride. I hate my own pride, and I hate to see it in others. I pray against it every single day, I think. I become the most aware of my pride when Lee and I are in an argument. I'm ashamed to say that there have been way too many nights that we went to bed without saying a word because I was too prideful to tell him what was wrong with me, even when he'd ask a thousand times, "What's wrong? Are you okay?" Can anyone relate? I have needlessly made very small issues much bigger because of my own stupid pride...I get mad at myself just thinking about it. The same author I mentioned earlier also wrote, "The most effective means the enemy has to keep believers full of the Spirit is to keep us full of ourselves!" Isn't that the truth? We are only as full of His Spirit as we are yielded to His control, but often our pride keeps us from being yielded. And it's often our pride that keeps us in perpetual conflict. I can only imagine how much more quickly Lee and I could have resolved our problems if I had just stopped being so full of myself.
You know, I love Jesus and I love His Word. I am so comforted to know that I and all of us have it as an invaluable resource when it comes to knowing how to do "life." It will never fail any of us if we choose to obey it, and I know that for an absolute fact. Our ways just aren't as good as God's, even though at times our ways may seem easier. This morning when I took the children to school, I asked one of them to quote me a scripture verse. I did that because they were ALL arguing with one another (speaking of conflict), and driving me crazy. I thought reflecting on a Bible verse would help change the mood and give us all a little godly perspective. Noah very eagerly quoted from memory this very appropriate verse--
"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." Ephesians 4:2.
May the God of peace richly bless each of you and fill your lives to the fullness of His measure, and may He enable us to love Him and each other more than we love ourselves!
Monday, October 20, 2008
Sunday, October 5, 2008
9:11
Very recently a dear old friend of mine suggested that I start a blog. As some of you know, I have sent many emails out over the last year entailing some personal/spiritual experiences and insights I have had that have reminded me of God's love. I wrote those as much for myself as I did for anybody else, because at times I needed reminding!! Even though I felt the Lord leading me to share them, I sort of feared being offensive or coming across as some kind of spiritual know-it-all. I absolutely shudder at the idea of coming across that way, especially since I don't much enjoy being around people that do. I don't mind telling you a bit that there is so much I don't know, so much wisdom I need, and countless areas in which I need to grow. I fail miserably every day at something. I haven't "arrived" by any means, and never will. I am very much a work-in-progress! I am a complete sinner, saved only by His marvelous, magnificent grace. Anything good in or about me is only because of and thanks to Jesus! But when He shows me something that brings me joy or answers a question, I feel like I'm doing Him and everybody a disservice to not share it. It's like He's saying, "Girl, pass it on! They need to know I love them, too!" I sincerely pray that my words here would never become more about me than Him.
One thing I'd readily tell anybody, however, is that I am absolutely starving for wisdom and Truth. I'm not talking about conventional wisdom, either. I'm talking about God's wisdom...the kind that can only be found by going to Him and asking for it. There's not a day that goes by that I don't ask for it, either. It's the kind that has to be sought after--it doesn't come all on it's own. I heard Beth Moore say one time that God holds His wisdom in a closed fist instead of an open hand, and I get that. I don't mind telling you why I'm so hungry for Jesus and His wisdom: I have become very weary with the ways of this world-ways that promise us one thing but deliver another. I'm tired of Satan winning all kinds of battles among His people and within His church. I'm frustrated with the enemy's evil and manipulative schemes, and how he can subtly deceive all of us in one form or another, sometimes very slowly and over time. I've come to grasp that only through and with Godly wisdom can we discern truth from lies and good from evil. I'll be the first to tell you that I need His wisdom desperately. I need it like I need oxygen to breath. Without it, I am a disaster...I've helped create disasters without it, and I'm a disaster waiting to happen if I don't get it.
Speaking of disaster, can we all remember where we were on September 11th, 2001? I'll tell where I was--Washington D.C.. Lee and I had gone up there for a couple of days so he could attend a medical conference. We only had two small children at the time, Ivey and Noah, and we had never been away from them for longer than a day! As a lot of you know, I have a debilitating fear of flying, and I dreaded the trip for that very reason. The idea of traveling in a plane without our kids was something I could hardly stomach, but Lee begged me to go, so I reluctantly agreed. (And FYI, after we landed I was really glad to be there with him!)
The next morning, the 11th, I woke up to the phone ringing in our room. Lee had already gone to his meeting somewhere in the hotel, so I was alone. It was his mom, and she was sobbing! My thoughts immediately turned to my children. I knew something must have happened to them, and I shot up in the bed. I kept asking, "Are my kids okay? Are my kids okay?!" She said yes but kept telling me to turn on the television. I was so groggy and disoriented that I couldn't really absorb what I was hearing. Once I could fathom the enormity of what was going on--that the Pentagon (which was in sight of our hotel) had been hit--panic set in. I began searching frantically for Lee in a hotel the size of the Galleria mall, only to find mobs of people scurrying around like ants on an ant hill. It was madness.
Once we found each other, we hugged and cried, and tried to figure out how in the world we were going to get out of there. For all we knew, the city was going to be bombed! I remember Lee saying to me there in our hotel room while watching Peter Jennings, "You know, it's not an accident or coincidence that we're here right now. God has a reason for this--for us being here." I have never forgotten those words and even agreed with them, yet I have wondered for many years what God's reason(s) really were.
A couple of years ago, Lee and I were able to go on another short trip down to the Mobile Bay in Point Clear. We had been there several times in the past and absolutely loved it...every square inch of that area is picturesque! We left our (4) children with Lee's parents, and thankfully didn't have to fly this time! We decided to go there simply because we desperately needed to be alone. Our family had encountered it's own 9/11. We needed time to talk, pray, love, share, and sleep. We needed each other, and we needed God. We clung to each other the same way we did in DC, but even more tightly. It was one of the most special weekends of my entire life, bar none. One thing Lee shared with me was how sometimes he felt like God was reminding him of His love by showing him the numbers 434. Lee's favorite verse in the Bible is Isaiah 43:4, and every once in a while, he'd see those numbers either on a digital clock, on a page, on a license plate, or somewhere kind of random. He said that it would always bring him comfort, like the Lord was sort of winking at him and saying, "I'm here." It wasn't even an hour after he told me about that, in fact, that we had gone on a bike ride together and saw 434 on a licence plate! I couldn't believe it!
I told Lee while we were there that I had similar experiences, except with the number 911. I told him that I had no idea what that meant, but that nearly every time I looked at the clock, it would say, 9:11! Even while we were in Point Clear, it happened. I couldn't tie it to a Bible verse like Lee could, or get it to make any sense at all except to remind me of the chaos in DC, but it seemed like I saw those numbers all the time. I still do. When I see them, I look at Lee and say, "Well, there they are again. Gotta mean something." I've always written it off as just a fluke.
You know, when any of us hear the words "September 11th," or "nine-eleven," our minds and hearts are immediately brought to that disastrous day in our country. There's not as much talk about it on television these days except when the anniversary comes up. Just like the assassination of JFK, or the Challenger explosion, we can all remember where we were when 9/11 happened. For me and Lee, we were right there in the middle of the action, it seemed...maybe a couple of miles away from the plane crash. Like Lee said, it really wasn't by coincidence that we were there. I think I understand now. When I see the numbers on the clock, (and I bet I see them every day-sometimes twice a day) I, too, feel the Lord winking and saying to me, "I'm here." Those numbers don't just remind me of all of my life's disasters--those I've caused and those that were inflicted upon me. They remind of God's steadfast presence in my life. God was right there!! He was there before they happened, when they happened, and after they happened. He was there with us in that Washington hotel room, He was with us in Point Clear, and He's still with me right now as I sit here. He was and is never far from me, and guess what? He's never far from you! All He wants is for me and all of us to seek Him and His infinite wisdom in every circumstance...in the chaos and even in the calm of the storm. The Lord wants us to go to Him, run to Him, and fall into His grace. And when we seek Him, we will surely find Him! His word tells us that we will never seek Him in vain-NEVER!
What is your 9/11, dear friend? Whatever it is, whatever it was, whatever it may be, God is with you. If Jesus is your Savior, He hasn't and will never, ever leave you. He dwells within you, and you are sealed until the day of redemption! What a wonderful comfort! Oh, how He loves you so much! His Word guarantees us that we will have some trouble in this world. And we do-Amen? It is my deepest prayer, though, that in good times, and in times of uncertainty, fear, or even down-right disaster we will cling to Him and seek His face with all our hearts! When we do, I promise you that we'll find surpassing peace and joy on the other side. Take heart, fellow sojourner: He has overcome the world!
Isaiah 43:2-3 "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you; when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. (3) For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior..."
One thing I'd readily tell anybody, however, is that I am absolutely starving for wisdom and Truth. I'm not talking about conventional wisdom, either. I'm talking about God's wisdom...the kind that can only be found by going to Him and asking for it. There's not a day that goes by that I don't ask for it, either. It's the kind that has to be sought after--it doesn't come all on it's own. I heard Beth Moore say one time that God holds His wisdom in a closed fist instead of an open hand, and I get that. I don't mind telling you why I'm so hungry for Jesus and His wisdom: I have become very weary with the ways of this world-ways that promise us one thing but deliver another. I'm tired of Satan winning all kinds of battles among His people and within His church. I'm frustrated with the enemy's evil and manipulative schemes, and how he can subtly deceive all of us in one form or another, sometimes very slowly and over time. I've come to grasp that only through and with Godly wisdom can we discern truth from lies and good from evil. I'll be the first to tell you that I need His wisdom desperately. I need it like I need oxygen to breath. Without it, I am a disaster...I've helped create disasters without it, and I'm a disaster waiting to happen if I don't get it.
Speaking of disaster, can we all remember where we were on September 11th, 2001? I'll tell where I was--Washington D.C.. Lee and I had gone up there for a couple of days so he could attend a medical conference. We only had two small children at the time, Ivey and Noah, and we had never been away from them for longer than a day! As a lot of you know, I have a debilitating fear of flying, and I dreaded the trip for that very reason. The idea of traveling in a plane without our kids was something I could hardly stomach, but Lee begged me to go, so I reluctantly agreed. (And FYI, after we landed I was really glad to be there with him!)
The next morning, the 11th, I woke up to the phone ringing in our room. Lee had already gone to his meeting somewhere in the hotel, so I was alone. It was his mom, and she was sobbing! My thoughts immediately turned to my children. I knew something must have happened to them, and I shot up in the bed. I kept asking, "Are my kids okay? Are my kids okay?!" She said yes but kept telling me to turn on the television. I was so groggy and disoriented that I couldn't really absorb what I was hearing. Once I could fathom the enormity of what was going on--that the Pentagon (which was in sight of our hotel) had been hit--panic set in. I began searching frantically for Lee in a hotel the size of the Galleria mall, only to find mobs of people scurrying around like ants on an ant hill. It was madness.
Once we found each other, we hugged and cried, and tried to figure out how in the world we were going to get out of there. For all we knew, the city was going to be bombed! I remember Lee saying to me there in our hotel room while watching Peter Jennings, "You know, it's not an accident or coincidence that we're here right now. God has a reason for this--for us being here." I have never forgotten those words and even agreed with them, yet I have wondered for many years what God's reason(s) really were.
A couple of years ago, Lee and I were able to go on another short trip down to the Mobile Bay in Point Clear. We had been there several times in the past and absolutely loved it...every square inch of that area is picturesque! We left our (4) children with Lee's parents, and thankfully didn't have to fly this time! We decided to go there simply because we desperately needed to be alone. Our family had encountered it's own 9/11. We needed time to talk, pray, love, share, and sleep. We needed each other, and we needed God. We clung to each other the same way we did in DC, but even more tightly. It was one of the most special weekends of my entire life, bar none. One thing Lee shared with me was how sometimes he felt like God was reminding him of His love by showing him the numbers 434. Lee's favorite verse in the Bible is Isaiah 43:4, and every once in a while, he'd see those numbers either on a digital clock, on a page, on a license plate, or somewhere kind of random. He said that it would always bring him comfort, like the Lord was sort of winking at him and saying, "I'm here." It wasn't even an hour after he told me about that, in fact, that we had gone on a bike ride together and saw 434 on a licence plate! I couldn't believe it!
I told Lee while we were there that I had similar experiences, except with the number 911. I told him that I had no idea what that meant, but that nearly every time I looked at the clock, it would say, 9:11! Even while we were in Point Clear, it happened. I couldn't tie it to a Bible verse like Lee could, or get it to make any sense at all except to remind me of the chaos in DC, but it seemed like I saw those numbers all the time. I still do. When I see them, I look at Lee and say, "Well, there they are again. Gotta mean something." I've always written it off as just a fluke.
You know, when any of us hear the words "September 11th," or "nine-eleven," our minds and hearts are immediately brought to that disastrous day in our country. There's not as much talk about it on television these days except when the anniversary comes up. Just like the assassination of JFK, or the Challenger explosion, we can all remember where we were when 9/11 happened. For me and Lee, we were right there in the middle of the action, it seemed...maybe a couple of miles away from the plane crash. Like Lee said, it really wasn't by coincidence that we were there. I think I understand now. When I see the numbers on the clock, (and I bet I see them every day-sometimes twice a day) I, too, feel the Lord winking and saying to me, "I'm here." Those numbers don't just remind me of all of my life's disasters--those I've caused and those that were inflicted upon me. They remind of God's steadfast presence in my life. God was right there!! He was there before they happened, when they happened, and after they happened. He was there with us in that Washington hotel room, He was with us in Point Clear, and He's still with me right now as I sit here. He was and is never far from me, and guess what? He's never far from you! All He wants is for me and all of us to seek Him and His infinite wisdom in every circumstance...in the chaos and even in the calm of the storm. The Lord wants us to go to Him, run to Him, and fall into His grace. And when we seek Him, we will surely find Him! His word tells us that we will never seek Him in vain-NEVER!
What is your 9/11, dear friend? Whatever it is, whatever it was, whatever it may be, God is with you. If Jesus is your Savior, He hasn't and will never, ever leave you. He dwells within you, and you are sealed until the day of redemption! What a wonderful comfort! Oh, how He loves you so much! His Word guarantees us that we will have some trouble in this world. And we do-Amen? It is my deepest prayer, though, that in good times, and in times of uncertainty, fear, or even down-right disaster we will cling to Him and seek His face with all our hearts! When we do, I promise you that we'll find surpassing peace and joy on the other side. Take heart, fellow sojourner: He has overcome the world!
Isaiah 43:2-3 "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you; when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. (3) For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior..."
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